now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
