I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
How naked do you want me to be?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
