I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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