Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
