Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
