haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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