Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
