TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
