They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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