this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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