I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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