I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
