instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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