Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
