mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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