dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
