You're so nebulous sometimes
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
