Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
