I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Randomize
