I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
