so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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