Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
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