you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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