3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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