apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
this just has baby written all over it
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Randomize
