Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
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