dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Randomize
