oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
