I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
