I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
