I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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