batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
