don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
