sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
