I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
i came on her dog
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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