it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
