I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
