I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
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