Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
