Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
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