I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
it glows. i had to have it.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
