Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
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