At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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