Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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