hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
