ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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