perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
