Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
