Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
