My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
You left your underwear on the fireplace
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
