I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
