i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
