I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I think I sprained my soul last night
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
